Writing Prompt: Wake

I can’t sleep at night. Memories. Unspoken words. Haunted dreams. You’re gone. Left because I could not face the truth of your love.

The city is waking. My hometown comprised of cobblestone streets and stone buildings. A bridge in time to a history long past.

I stop under St. Charles tunnel. Run my fingers over damp stone and remember our first kiss. Here in the shadows. Your black hair felt like feathers against my fingers and I teased you, laughing that no man should have hair softer than my own.

You smiled with that glint in your eyes: blue sapphires that spoke of nights between the sheets and strong arms that pulled me close. You lowered your face until your lips touched my own. Kissed me until I only tasted you, the flavors of spearmint, honey and sage that exploded on my tongue.

Your scent of fresh cotton and sandalwood surrounded me until all I felt was you and the cool stone at my back.

Standing here now, waiting for the sunrise, my tears no longer fall. I am too tired; too empty; too drained. City dwellers will move about their daily lives. Lanterns shut off. Cars populating the narrow streets. Patrons walking through this tunnel without a second thought. Not affected in the slightest that here my love for you began. A love beautiful but unstable. A love I was unable to voice.

I walk the evening streets with your ghost in sight. Every shop, every restaurant we visited, now etched into memory. I trail my fingers over stone walls and glass windows. Disappear through cracked stone, invisible in a crowd. I imagine you standing beside me, grasping my hand, enfolding me in your warmth. Your laugh a distant echo.

I tried to believe I deserved you. Tried to accept the happiness you gave. But the past has a way of reaching into the present. A black hole destroying all that is good. Words shouted in the dark, hands cracking against skin, and a belt, his belt that left welt after welt.

You held me those nights, when memories assaulted me in dreams and I woke screaming in the dark.

Sometimes I think I see you in the distance, turning a corner or stepping into your car. Your black peacoat blows in the wind and your hair frames your face. Thick waves that reach your collar. In those moments I run, feet echoing on the stone. I call out your name and reach for a shadow that isn’t there. I pretend that I reach you. Pull you into my arms. Tell you I love you. Hold you close and never let you go.

And so I walk. Night after night. Hoping for a glimpse. Praying for a second chance.

Hoping to find you, alone like me, walking these cobblestone streets. In the dark, waiting for you to wake me once more.